Deep thoughts

I have been thinking.
I find myself as someone who is incorporated with lots of values. Of course, I'm not boasting. I'm just wondering. From who did I pick up these values from. Sure, some of which are definitely from my parent. That goes without saying. But believe me or not. I believe that the people I have come in touch in the last 4 years have made me an even better person.

Especially those from NCDCC.

Let me recall what happened in 2009, when I'm in my freshman year in Pei Hwa Sec.

2009
I chose NCDCC as my 3rd choice. I didn't really know much about it. No, I didn't know anything at all. I just happened to pick it. That's all. I landed in this CCA by chance. I initially hated it but after the first session, I felt that it wasn't all that bad. It was a rather decent CCA to be honest. So I started looking forward to every week's training. I became infatuated with it. I found something to be hardworking in. It was my passion and I had so much pride as a NCDCC cadet. Back then, my IC (in-charge) was Clio. I learned a lot from watching her back. How she executed commands, report and acted in front of all of us. She was an exemplary leader. Though we do not contact anymore, I'm sure she's living her life the way she wants it. I admired her a lot. But even so, I realised that I am going to be a leader in my own rights. During our annual camp, my group IC was Annabelle. I vividly remember it as I had a trip to the National Museum and thus almost half the day was gone. I felt regretful indeed. They must have a lot of fun, I thought. So, our group was Power Rangers. Had campfire in the evening. It was awesome because I believe it was my first campfire. We also had a haunted house game later at night ! Then one senior, Haikal, asked me whether I like the CCA. I told him I love it without hesitation. Come to think of it, I havent change my view up till now. I learnt a lot from watching them. Honestly, I was scared of the seniors when I was younger hahaha. I wonder why.. The year ended off with a good note although many things happened.

2010
How should I go about saying this? I think this year was actually the most impactful for me. The seniors whom I looked up to were leaving due to their examinations. I was devastated. I looked forward to working with them and being under them again. But things had to be that way. This year was also the year where we had to show our potential to be the future leaders of the unit. I think I wanted to be a SNCO more than anyone else. It wasn't the position I wanted. But upon seeing how my seniors inspired me, I felt the urge to do the same to my future juniors. I don't think I succeeded in doing so, though. I find myself a failure right now. But perhaps in the near future, I will be able to do something for them too. Just like how they helped me in the past. Was I able to motivate anyone? I truly thought about that.

2011
Selections started. Only 8 were able to make it to SNCO course. I shall not talk about this much. Timeskip I was then appointed as the chairman. Oh, I haven't say this yet, did I? I was supposed to be a vice-chair. I didn't really mind but someone told me that vice-chair can't be a Unit Drill Instructor (UDI) so I was rather disappointed. I wanted the chairperson position a lot. I had my wish but then, the rumours were false. Anyone can be a UDI, not just the chairperson. lol.. I haven't forget how I felt last year. It was purely guilt and regrets. I didn't feel confident enough to be a chairperson and tried to drop out. I felt that someone else amongst the SNCO deserved it more than I do. I believe she was able to make the unit better than I would. I don't know how things turned out now, to be honest. Lolita talked me into accepting the position though. So I did. But the feeling didn't go away. I started wanting to quit. I felt burdened . There were worries, there were things about myself that I couldn't accept. I literally sank into depression. I talked into one of my most trusted senior, Annabelle. She met up with me after my SNCO course. I was really thankful and I felt proud. I hope she does too. We had a lot to catch up. Idk, I think I made her feel bad about herself. I know she was always there for me. For that, I couldn't even express how much gratitude I felt, even til now. She was one of the most important character who contributed to my life and my personality.

Well.. I shall not speak about this year. I believe I have said it before.

I have another senior to thank, indeed. She's Esther.
I remember back when I was in sec 1, I was really inferior in my footdrills. We had a bronze test. I couldn't execute a lot of them properly. I felt disappointed in myself. Once during the test she said. "If you are not going to improve yourself, I'm going to have to give you a 0" Which is a fail. I was shocked and I didn't want to fail. In the end I did not. But when i got home I started crying real bad. Luckily no one was home. Phew. I started to improve my drills over the holidays. Esther, has a very unique way of approaching a person. For me, it's still hard to talk to her. Her English is way too good for me to comprehend. But I respected her. She showed tremendous leadership. She handled things the way a senior should. She did not let her personal feelings interrupt with trainings. I must say, I wanted to be like her. A UDI. But sadly, I wasn't able to achieve that goal. But it's alright. I learnt more important things from the CCA itself. Also, I feel really proud when they mentioned that it was good watching me grow and that they're proud and stuffs like that. It was things like that which kept me growing and my respect for them were everlasting growing.

I would like to thank each and single seniors for making me the person I am today. I will move on without forgetting your efforts! I am really glad to have met you.

With much love,
Hui Xian